Keep Expectations Reasonable
Shakespeare said "Expectations are the root of all evil".
Let's take a step into reality and say that maybe not ALL evil comes from expectations, but a lot of heartbreak and disappointment does. I will give ya that.
Expectations are things we place on ourselves and others. In most cases, these things are for positive reinforcements like goal setting and striving to be better than the best. "Nobody rises to low expectations", they say. True. If you don't have any expectations, you can't be let down. Also true. But where is the line? Where is the fine black line that says strive for what you can do but don't feel disappointed if you don't exceed the peak? We're ignoring it.
It's called authenticity and we are ignoring it for the sake of betterment. We are ignoring our true selves and our true abilities because someone somewhere said - "you need to do better, you won't be anything if you don't excel, I know you have it in you, work harder, I expect this from you". It could have been a teacher, a parent. It could have been a coach, a girlfriend or a boyfriend. It doesn't matter who it was really, it's just that they started to change the way we think and morphed it from "Okay, I will do the best I can" to "If I don't attain this, I am worthless". What's more than that is the thought if "Okay, if I don't attain this, [insert name of "encourager" here], will think less of me" :(
This mind training somehow tagged our self worth to our abilities in achievement and all of the sudden there is this complex depression from not meeting expectations that we or our peers put on ourselves. No longer can Johnny act like the authentic curious little boy, he needs to practice chess every single day in his seer sucker suits because Mommy wants him to - and because chess and seer sucker makes Mommy happy, and a 5 year old can see that, Johnny will play chess in seer sucker because he equates mommy being happy with him to this. What.. The.. Fuck..
It started extrinsically, with someone from the outside encouraging us to rise to the occasion, be more than we were before, etc. The "more", if you will. Now, because of this we set expectations on ourselves and when we do this, we may be let down. We are not acting from our true hearts desires and authenticity. We are acting out of competition and comparison - the real root of all evil. There's some food for thought.
How about we change the paradigm. How about we take comparison and competition out of life (like true yogis, ehh?) and we start acting from our hearts. Let our hearts drive the motion to be, or to act, and to do. If this is what our hearts crave and we are capable of it - there will be no expectations to meet or exceed because we are doing exactly what we are meant to do. Therefore, the people that have tasked us with this will be obviously happy because we are doing exactly what we want! They don't even have to expect anything from us because they too, also know that from their hearts, we are able to attain said task. Ya with me? We and our peoples that encourage us will never be let down because if we are acting from the heart, truly doing what we want to the best of our abilities, this should be sufficient.
But, it's not. This isn't reality for most of us.
Let's take a step into reality and say that maybe not ALL evil comes from expectations, but a lot of heartbreak and disappointment does. I will give ya that.
Expectations are things we place on ourselves and others. In most cases, these things are for positive reinforcements like goal setting and striving to be better than the best. "Nobody rises to low expectations", they say. True. If you don't have any expectations, you can't be let down. Also true. But where is the line? Where is the fine black line that says strive for what you can do but don't feel disappointed if you don't exceed the peak? We're ignoring it.
It's called authenticity and we are ignoring it for the sake of betterment. We are ignoring our true selves and our true abilities because someone somewhere said - "you need to do better, you won't be anything if you don't excel, I know you have it in you, work harder, I expect this from you". It could have been a teacher, a parent. It could have been a coach, a girlfriend or a boyfriend. It doesn't matter who it was really, it's just that they started to change the way we think and morphed it from "Okay, I will do the best I can" to "If I don't attain this, I am worthless". What's more than that is the thought if "Okay, if I don't attain this, [insert name of "encourager" here], will think less of me" :(
This mind training somehow tagged our self worth to our abilities in achievement and all of the sudden there is this complex depression from not meeting expectations that we or our peers put on ourselves. No longer can Johnny act like the authentic curious little boy, he needs to practice chess every single day in his seer sucker suits because Mommy wants him to - and because chess and seer sucker makes Mommy happy, and a 5 year old can see that, Johnny will play chess in seer sucker because he equates mommy being happy with him to this. What.. The.. Fuck..
It started extrinsically, with someone from the outside encouraging us to rise to the occasion, be more than we were before, etc. The "more", if you will. Now, because of this we set expectations on ourselves and when we do this, we may be let down. We are not acting from our true hearts desires and authenticity. We are acting out of competition and comparison - the real root of all evil. There's some food for thought.
How about we change the paradigm. How about we take comparison and competition out of life (like true yogis, ehh?) and we start acting from our hearts. Let our hearts drive the motion to be, or to act, and to do. If this is what our hearts crave and we are capable of it - there will be no expectations to meet or exceed because we are doing exactly what we are meant to do. Therefore, the people that have tasked us with this will be obviously happy because we are doing exactly what we want! They don't even have to expect anything from us because they too, also know that from their hearts, we are able to attain said task. Ya with me? We and our peoples that encourage us will never be let down because if we are acting from the heart, truly doing what we want to the best of our abilities, this should be sufficient.
But, it's not. This isn't reality for most of us.
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