More

Relationships are hard paths to navigate if there isn't great communication. I personally enjoy the first few months of the nervousness, the butterflies, the fun stuff. Trying to figure out each others idiosyncrasies, habits, patterns, likes, dislikes, families, etc. The newness and freshness of bringing someone into your life and then accommodating them is really an exciting transition into cohabitation. 

And then there's more. THE. MORE. The point in the relationship where someone always wants MORE. More what? More time? More affection? More open talks and communication? More love? It's just more. 

I was just talking to a dear friend about this and I felt compelled to write about it. She is at this stage of contentment. She's recently divorced, brilliant, beautiful, independent, 2 children almost both out of the house. She's dating. She was dating 3 men at once and then one in particular won her over. He wanted more and she obliged. So they are exclusively dating now since the fall. 

I asked her how things were going and she said they were good, they were in a good place, he has no intentions of moving here, it's just the way she would like it to be. I said "You don't want more?" More of what, I am not sure, I just felt that a life between two people shared who live states away from each other with their own two careers and separate families is a lot of distance and discontinuity. She is absolutely content in her long distance, perfect amount of space relationship and the reason why so many of these other relationship of hers have failed is because they want more. She, doesn't. 

More is the extra. It's the stuff you don't really know you don't have because it's not there. Then you see someone or something and think "I want that..." and now you have started the slippery slope of "Wanting more". This is also the beginning of the conversation that couples will have that are ready to "take things to the next level" ie. MORE. 

All women and all men move and progress through relationships at different rates. Some dive right in to the more stage and some are content for 6 months still testing the waters and wondering if they can dive in. Some women I know just stick their big toe in the water to test the temperature with no intention of actually swimming. 

I don't think relationship envy goes into this category of topics but it can be mentioned. Relationship envy is when you take a look at what you have and use other couples as a temperature gauge. You gauge your relationship based on their and inevitably, there will be relationship envy. Susie and Bob get to go to Greece, Amelia and Richard get to go to Australia, meanwhile you and your beau just got back from visiting your parents at their lake house. Ho-hum. Maybe in this situation someone could say they want more out of their relationship and vacations - but the more I am speaking about is usually more emotionally backed and heated with a tinge of neediness. At least it's interpreted as neediness to the person who is on the other end of wanting more because if they were right in line with their partners thoughts and action, it wouldn't be interpreted as more because it would be accepted as the natural progression of the relationship to this point. Not more.